Relationship with God
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Excerpt: Relationship with God - Loss of a Loved One Session 4
Course: Loss Of A Loved One
Speakers: Benji Horning, Jen Horning
Healing in Relationship: Finding God, Yourself, and Others in Grief
As we continue our journey toward healing, a central truth emerges: our deepest wounds occur in relationship, and our most profound healing also unfolds within connection. While individual experiences of grief are unique, the path forward is often illuminated by our ties to others, our understanding of ourselves, and most fundamentally, our relationship with God.
The Relational Core of Loss: Why Connection Matters
In a world often focused on individual solutions, it's easy to overlook the vital role of community in navigating grief. However, at its heart, loss is relational. We grieve the absence of a connection that held significance in our lives.
The natural inclination to withdraw, feeling that no one truly grasps the depth of our personal sorrow, can be strong. Yet, true healing often necessitates moving towards relationships in three key areas: our connection with God, our understanding of ourselves, and our bonds with others.
Connecting with God in Grief: Finding the God Who Weeps
Often, even those with a long-standing faith may find themselves unprepared for the spiritual dimension of grief. Questions arise: How does God engage with us in this pain? What is His attitude toward our sorrow? Where is He amidst this overwhelming experience?
Personally, when Jen’s dad passed away, a raw cry escaped my soul: "Jesus, where are you?" There was an immediate struggle, a wrestling with the divine presence in the face of such profound loss.
Finding Solace in Jesus' Example: Empathy in Sorrow
The Gospel of John, chapter 11, offers a powerful lens through which to understand God's presence in grief. When Jesus' friend Lazarus dies, both sisters, Martha and Mary, approach Him with the same raw question: "Lord, if you had been here, my brother would not have died."
Interestingly, Jesus responds differently to each. With Martha, He engages intellectually, discussing resurrection and faith. But with Mary, faced with the same expression of pain, Jesus offers no immediate theological answer. Instead, Scripture simply states that He wept. This is a profound image – the Son of God, moments away from raising Lazarus, entering fully into the sorrow of those He loved.
This reveals a core truth about the God we serve. If you're questioning God's presence in your grief, be open to encountering the God who weeps with you, a God who doesn't stand at a distance from our pain but enters into it with us.
Reflecting on Jesus in the Garden of Gethsemane, grappling with the immense suffering before the cross, Jen adds that His raw emotion and struggle to move forward in God's will resonate deeply with the experience of grief. It reminds us that God doesn't expect us to simply endure our pain; He understands and embodies our struggles.
The Language of Lament: Honest Expression to God
Jesus' raw interaction with His Father in the garden also models the vital practice of lament – a form of honest, often painful, crying out to God found throughout Scripture, most notably in the book of Lamentations and the Psalms.
In my own grief, a therapist encouraged me to journal honestly with God, expressing the rawest of emotions. I was surprised by how difficult this felt initially, fearing irreverence. However, the story of Job, who only truly encountered God when he abandoned pious words and cried out in his pain, highlights the power of such raw honesty. God's response to Job was not primarily answers, but the profound reassurance of His presence.
Culturally, we've often lost the outward expressions of grief that once provided a visible acknowledgment of suffering. The sackcloth and ashes of the past signaled to the community that someone was in deep mourning. Today, this invisibility can exacerbate the feeling of isolation. I even found myself needing small, personal outward expressions of my inner turmoil, like changes to my appearance, to signal my pain to those closest to me.
Beyond "Why?": Seeking Presence and Simple Steps
In our relationship with God during grief, the natural question is often "Why?" especially in the face of unexpected loss. It echoes Mary and Martha's cry. However, often, the "why" remains a mystery. Those who offer easy answers are rarely helpful.
I've come to realize that our fixation on "why" often stems from a desire to lessen the pain, but it rarely achieves that. Even with intellectual understanding, the loss remains. More than answers, what we need is presence – God's promised presence and the supportive presence of others.
If you find yourself overwhelmed by questions and a sense of God's distance, remember Jen's practical wisdom: keep it simple. Focus on small acts of love and obedience, like loving your neighbor or seeking to feel God's love. Revisit comforting prayers.
Jen recalls a passage from Zechariah that became a touchstone: "You will worship and obey me... I, the Lord, have spoken." In the midst of overwhelming grief, she felt God gently stripping away expectations and to-do lists, inviting her to simply focus on loving and worshiping Him, and remaining obedient.
The Preciousness of Faith in the Darkness
There are seasons where faith is easy, when life flows smoothly. But grief often ushers in a season where faith feels costly, even terrifying. These, I believe, are the times when our faith becomes most precious to God – when we continue to cling to Him despite the overwhelming darkness.
This resonates with Paul's words about momentary afflictions preparing us for an eternal weight of glory. For those who have known deep grief, God sees that pain, and it is working something profound within you. This is why, as 1 Thessalonians reminds us, we grieve with hope – an eternal hope grounded in the resurrection offered through Jesus. Grief is not wrong, but our grief is different because of the hope we hold.
Therefore, in your relationship with God during grief, regardless of where you are on your faith journey, know that He desires to meet you in your specific pain. Just as He met Martha and Mary in their distinct ways, He knows you, He understands loss, and He is present even in your anger and lament. He offers hope in the midst of it all, for as long as it takes. Be authentic and honest with God; His grace will meet you exactly where you are.
If you like the content, you can continue in a few different ways…
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Loss Of A Loved One
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Loss Of A Loved One 〰️
Session 1
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Session 4
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Session 6
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