Walking with your Spouse and Children through Grief
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Excerpt: Walking with your Spouse and Children through Grief - Loss of a Loved One Session 6 Bonus
Course: Loss Of A Loved One
Speakers: Benji Horning, Jen Horning
Walking Alongside: Supporting Your Spouse and Children Through Grief
One of the most profound and often challenging aspects of grief is witnessing its impact on those we love, especially our spouse. I remember feeling a deep sense of helplessness watching the pain consume Jen. It felt akin to seeing her attacked and being unable to protect her. There was a depth of her grief that I, as her husband, couldn't fully access, leading to a host of questions about how to truly come alongside her in her most vulnerable moments.
Supporting Your Spouse in Grief: A Long and Loving Journey
If you find yourself in the position of supporting a grieving spouse, here are a few key encouragements:
Acknowledge Your Limits, Trust in God: While you may not fully empathize with the depth of their grief, remember that God can. Focus on interceding in prayer for your spouse, asking for the Holy Spirit's comfort to surround them. Release the need to control their healing process, recognizing that there's much you want to do but ultimately cannot.
Commit for the Long Haul: Healing from grief is not a sprint; it's a marathon. Your consistent faithfulness, even in seemingly small ways in the immediate aftermath, will be deeply remembered and appreciated months and, more likely, years down the line.
Ask Open-Ended Questions: Initiate conversations by asking, "Is there anything I can do?" or "What ways have felt helpful for you, and how can I serve you?" Remember their capacity might be significantly reduced ("quarter tank"), so your practical support can be invaluable.
Prioritize Your Own Soul Care: While your focus is naturally on your spouse, do not neglect your own emotional and spiritual well-being. You are also experiencing loss, both for the person who died and in witnessing your spouse's pain. Engaging in your own self-care is essential for sustaining you on this long journey and ultimately benefits your ability to support your spouse.
Keep Trying: There may be times when your attempts to comfort or help seem to miss the mark. Don't give up. Keep trying to connect and offer support. Your consistent effort, rooted in love, will eventually break through.
Guiding Children Through Grief: Empathy and Openness
Witnessing our children navigate loss, as we did with the passing of Ruby, their beloved cousin, was incredibly difficult. While we grieved their early exposure to such profound sadness, it also cultivated a deep well of empathy and compassion within them.
Here are some insights into supporting grieving children:
Don't Shield Them Entirely: While protecting their innocence is natural, allowing them to gently enter the grieving process, within their capacity, can foster emotional growth and empathy.
Listen and Learn from Them: Children often have a unique and pure-hearted connection with God, especially in times of pain. Pay attention to their creative expressions and the ways they articulate their understanding of loss. They may offer profound messages of hope.
Understand Varied Expressions of Grief: Children may not express sadness through tears alone. Tantrums, anger, or acting out can be their way of communicating distress when they lack the vocabulary to express their feelings.
Talk Openly and Often: Create space for them to talk about their feelings and their memories of the person who died. This verbal processing is crucial for their healing.
Encourage Creative Outlets: Provide opportunities for them to express their grief through art, music, writing, or play. These creative avenues can be powerful tools for processing complex emotions.
Create Special Moments of Remembrance: Find tangible ways to keep the memory of their loved one alive. Sharing stories, looking at pictures, or creating traditions around meaningful symbols (like ladybugs reminding us of Ruby) can provide comfort and connection.
Ultimately, supporting our spouse and children through grief requires immense patience, empathy, and a willingness to keep showing up, offering love and understanding as we navigate this challenging journey together.
If you like the content, you can continue in a few different ways…
1) See the outline below and check out other sections from the FFP course.
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3) Connect with a Share The Struggle Coach for one-on-one support. Let’s face it, some of us have tried kicking this thing, and we’ve had no luck. It’s time to start looking toward forms of support that can help us see and feel the beautiful life God has in store for us.
Loss Of A Loved One
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Loss Of A Loved One 〰️
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