How Family & Collective Systems Impact How We Experience Trauma

Course Cut-OutMoving Through Trauma
Written By Austin Cavaliere

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Excerpt: How Family & Collective Systems Impact How We Experience Trauma - Session 4

Course: Moving Through Trauma

Speakers: Cathy Loerzel

The Roots of Healing: Attunement, Containment, and Repair in Early Relationships

A key factor in how trauma impacts us lies in our early caregiving environment. Three elements are crucial for a child's healthy development: attunement, containment, and rupture and repair. Understanding these can shed light on potential sources of trauma and guide our healing journey.

1. Attunement: Being Seen and Understood

Attunement is a caregiver's ability to sense and respond sensitively to a child's needs, even nonverbally. This fundamental connection fosters a sense of being seen and understood.

The Impact of Absent Attunement: When caregivers are unable to attune, children may learn they must meet their own needs, leading to self-sufficiency and hypervigilance. Lack of attunement can be a subtle but significant form of trauma, signaling that your emotional and physical needs weren't consistently met.

2. Containment: Holding Emotions Safely

Containment involves providing a safe space for a child to experience and express even big emotions, alongside clear boundaries. A containing caregiver validates feelings while setting limits, helping the child learn to regulate.

The Consequences of Lacking Containment: When caregivers struggle with their own emotions, they may react poorly to a child's distress. This can teach a child that their feelings are unacceptable. As adults, this can manifest as difficulty regulating emotions. Healing involves learning to provide that containment for ourselves.

3. Rupture and Repair: Healing After Hurt

Rupture and repair acknowledges that mistakes happen in relationships. "Rupture" is the conflict; "repair" is the effort to acknowledge hurt, apologize, and restore connection. This teaches resilience and that conflict doesn't mean the end.

The Significance of Repair in Childhood: When caregivers repair ruptures, children learn about forgiveness and healing. A lack of repair can lead to a belief that brokenness is permanent. Healing involves learning to offer ourselves and our relationships the possibility of reconciliation.

Mapping Your Story: Family and the Origins of Trauma

Reflect on the presence or absence of attunement, containment, and repair in your family of origin. Where these were consistently missing may indicate sources of trauma.

Healing the Past for a Better Present

Our current struggles can stem from survival behaviors developed in childhood. Healing involves revisiting those early experiences and offering ourselves the care we may have lacked. By understanding where parts of ourselves were suppressed and experiencing these elements in our present relationships (including with ourselves), we can begin to heal embedded trauma and reclaim our authentic selves.

 

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Moving Through Trauma

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Moving Through Trauma 〰️

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Austin Cavaliere
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