The Helping Framework: Support
If you need help seeing Jesus in the middle of your struggle, or just feel like you are stuck, ready to move into growth and healing, connect with a Christian coach.
Excerpt: Helping Helpers - Session 1
Section: The Helping Framework - Support
Speakers: Ryan Miller & Matthias Barker
Providing Support: Balancing Grace, Truth, and Accountability
After listening, exploring underlying issues, and sharing in the struggle, the final word in our model is support. This step is crucial for guiding someone toward health and well-being, much like Jesus did when he encountered broken people, offering them both grace and direction.
Balancing Grace and Truth
Jesus exemplified the balance between grace and truth. He extended grace by meeting people where they were, such as the woman at the well or Matthew the tax collector, and then provided direction for their lives. How do we emulate this balance?
Understanding the Function of Behavior: When someone asks for accountability in changing a behavior (e.g., reading the Bible more, stopping a harmful habit), it’s important not to become an overbearing scorekeeper. Instead, consider the function of the behavior. Is it a response to overwhelming emotion? People often react to such emotions with control mechanisms or avoidance.
Addressing Control and Avoidance: Recognize that behaviors might be a way to cope with emotions:
Control: Blaming others, losing temper, self-criticism.
Avoidance: Distracting oneself, engaging in unproductive or sinful behavior.
Exploring the Why: Delve into the reasons behind the desired behavior change. Why is this change important? What deeper meaning or identity in Christ does this goal connect to? Understanding the emotional drive behind the goal can help clarify the path forward.
Practical Steps for Providing Support
Contextual Understanding: When someone admits to slipping up, explore the context. Ask about the circumstances leading up to the behavior to understand its function and what it temporarily "fixed."
Remind Them of Their Why: Help them reconnect with their motivations. Why do they want to change? What deeper values or identity does this change align with? This reflection often brings clarity and motivation.
Boundary Setting: Support involves recognizing your limits. It's crucial to offer empathy and guidance without taking on responsibilities that are not yours. Maintain healthy boundaries to prevent burnout and ensure that support remains sustainable.
Handling Crisis Situations
For more complex issues like suicidal ideation, abuse, or severe mental health struggles:
Use Professional Resources: You can call hotlines (suicide, CPS, domestic violence) for advice on supporting someone in crisis. They can provide immediate guidance and next steps.
Refer to Professionals: When someone’s needs exceed your skill set, gently but firmly suggest professional help. Emphasize that seeking professional support is a sign of care and respect for their complex needs.
Emergency Actions: In cases of imminent danger (e.g., threats of self-harm with a plan and means), take immediate action such as calling emergency services.
Encouraging Self-Support and Community
Empower Self-Responsibility: Remind those you support that they are ultimately responsible for their own growth. Your role is to walk alongside them, not to fix their problems.
Community Involvement: Encourage them to engage with support groups, church communities, and other resources. Building a network of support can provide ongoing encouragement and accountability.
Prayer for Guidance
We want to support you in your journey to help others. Let’s pray:
Father, give us wisdom as we come alongside people within the body of Christ and our communities. Equip us to bring others into closer contact with you, aligned with your Holy Spirit. You have prepared good works for us, and we trust that you have equipped us for this mission. Help us to maintain healthy boundaries and to offer support within our capacity. In Jesus' name, amen.
The Share the Struggle Helping Helpers Course is designed for helpers & leaders both formally (pastors, small group leaders) and informally (family, friends, volunteers), giving a practical and safe framework for coming alongside someone well in the middle of their struggle(s). The Share the Struggle L.E.S.S. (Listen, Explore, Share, Support) framework equips helpers with the tools for active listening, root cause exploration, 3-story discipleship, and when to involve other forms of support. Furthermore, helping helpers walks listeners through the specific considerations and tools for helping someone through anxiety, shame, trauma, miscarriage, pornography addiction, grief, eating disorders, and suicide prevention.
Share The Struggle Courses
Share the Struggle Courses are topical expert led video courses to help you understand life’s greatest struggles and provide you with tools for navigating them. Moreover, STS courses create a space for you to connect with others struggling with similar things, experience belonging, and encounter God’s nearness in a place of wilderness in your life (pain, confusion, healing journey).
What Share The Struggle Believes
Here at Share The Struggle we believe Jesus is present with us in the middle of our pain and mess, and it is in that place that we often experience and encounter Jesus most deeply.
We understand the unique challenges faced by Christians dealing with mental health. Our mission is to bridge the gap between faith and mental health support, providing a platform where individuals can find resources, coaching support and guidance, all tailored to their spiritual life and emotional needs.
We invite you to explore our resources, share your journey, and find the support you need to overcome the struggles you face.
