Stories of Struggle with Pornography

Course Cut-OutFreedom From Pornogrpahy
Written By Austin Cavaliere

If you need help seeing Jesus in the middle of your struggle, or just feel like you are stuck, ready to move into growth and healing, connect with a Christian coach.

Excerpt: Stories of Struggle

Course: Freedom From Pornography

Speakers: Ryan Miller & Matthias Barker

The Battle with Pornography: A Personal Journey

Introduction

I find it fascinating that one of the greatest struggles I've seen my guy friends and myself face is this battle with pornography. It's so clearly tied to our identity of masculinity and our desires. Statistics suggest that around 90% of men are battling this issue. My own story begins with being exposed to porn at a young age. I’ll never forget my heart racing, the adrenaline rush, and how it hooked me for over ten years.

The Core Question: "Am I a Man?"

During this struggle, I was grappling with a fundamental question: "Am I a man?" This question is at the core for many men, especially when dealing with issues like pornography. Childhood experiences, including sexual bullying, intensified this question for me. Pornography became a way of medicating my wounds, though it was far from a healthy outlet.

Personal Struggles and Accountability

I'll never forget being in college and telling my buddy that if I looked at porn again, I’d run 26 miles. I needed to go a full month without it and I couldn't do it. I ran those 26 miles because it had such a strong grip on me. The struggle was deeply tied to the wounds of my past and the central question: "Am I a man?"

Early Exposure and Psychological Impact

For others, like my friend, the first exposure to porn was at eight years old, finding hidden videotapes in a buddy's garage. Even at that young age, there was an instinctual feeling of shame and fear, despite the intrigue and excitement. Exposure to such intense content at a young age can be traumatic, especially when you don't have the psychological categories to process it.

The Conflict Within

As we matured, this struggle became deeply seated in shame. Growing up in a Christian environment that taught that not only was porn bad, but even dating was frowned upon, created a distressing conflict within me. Any attraction toward women was seen as bad, wrong, and sinful, leading to self-criticism and anger directed at myself.

The Cycle of Confession and Self-Criticism

We often discussed our struggles in Bible studies, where everyone would confess their battles with porn. While it was somewhat comforting to know others struggled too, it also intensified the self-criticism, questioning our self-control and worth. We'd leave those Bible studies feeling slightly better that others were struggling too, but still burdened by the self-criticism and the question, "What is wrong with me?"

Steps Toward Healing

Two things helped me break free from this cycle. The first was watching a documentary about porn actresses, which humanized them and made me see them as real people. This realization made it hard to watch porn in the same way. The second, and more challenging step, was diving into my past wounds. Understanding that behind every addiction is a deeper issue, as Dr. Caroline Leaf, a neuroscientist, explains, was crucial. For me, it was about facing the micro-traumas, bullying, and questions about my worth and masculinity.

Exploring Deep Wounds

As a therapist, I often work with kids who have experienced sexual abuse. I tell parents that at a young age, children don’t have a category for sexual gratification because they haven't been through puberty. It's a completely different category that they can't process, making early exposure to intense erotic content a traumatic experience. This was my experience too, where there was both guilt, shame, and fear, but also intrigue.

The Path to True Healing

This journey into my wounds was painful but ultimately healing. It was about understanding the root causes of my behavior and addressing them. I realized that pornography for me was not just a simple habit but a way to explore and cope with deep-seated pain. For many men, this is the case – a part of them wants to leave the behavior behind, but another part clings to it, signaling a deeper wound.

Encouragement and Prayer

If you're struggling with pornography, I encourage you to dive into your wounds. It's vulnerable and painful, but it's the path to true healing. As you walk through this journey, I pray that the Lord guides and comforts you. May He reveal your true identity and help you break free from the labels and struggles that have held you back.

Lord, I thank you for the bravery and courage of those taking this step. I pray that your Spirit guides them every step of the way, revealing their true identity and helping them walk into purity. In Jesus' name, Amen.

 

If you like the content, you can continue in a few different ways…

  • 1) See the outline below and check out other sections from the FFP course.

  • 2) Take the full small group course to your church community! The first course your church runs is free! Reach out to us here to learn how.

  • 3) Connect with a Share The Struggle Coach for one-on-one support. Let’s face it, some of us have tried kicking this thing, and we’ve had no luck. It’s time to start looking toward forms of support that can help us see and feel the beautiful life God has in store for us.

 

Freedom From Pornography

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Freedom From Pornography 〰️

Part 1: Stories of Struggle

Session 1: What is the Struggle?

Session 2: The People

Part 2: The Roots of Dependency versus Design

Session 3: How Does This Dependency Begin?

Session 4: Biblical Roots

Part 3: Reconnecting and Reattaching

Session 5: Reconnecting With An Authentic God

Session 6: Working On Self

Session 7: Working With Others

Session 8: Healing With A Spouse

 

Share The Struggle Courses

Share the Struggle Courses are topical expert led video courses to help you understand life’s greatest struggles and provide you with tools for navigating them. Moreover, STS courses create a space for you to connect with others struggling with similar things, experience belonging, and encounter God’s nearness in a place of wilderness in your life (pain, confusion, healing journey). Want to start a group at your church? Reach out to us here to learn how.

 
 

What Share The Struggle Believes

Here at Share The Struggle we believe Jesus is present with us in the middle of our pain and mess, and it is in that place that we often experience and encounter Jesus most deeply.

We understand the unique challenges faced by Christians dealing with mental health. Our mission is to bridge the gap between faith and mental health support, providing a platform where individuals can find resources, coaching support and guidance, all tailored to their spiritual life and emotional needs.

We invite you to explore our resources, share your journey, and find the support you need to overcome the struggles you face.

Austin Cavaliere
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