Questions About Suffering and Scripture
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Excerpt: Helping Helpers - Session 3
Section: Grief - Questions About Suffering and Scripture
Speakers: Benji Horning
Walking with Someone Through Grief: Offering Spiritual Support with Sensitivity
Supporting someone through grief involves addressing some of their deepest, most challenging questions about God, suffering, and loss. While we might be inclined to reach for lofty theological concepts to provide clarity, it's important to remember that what people often seek is reassurance of God’s care and presence.
Emphasize God's Compassion
People grappling with grief often want to know if God cares about their suffering. Pointing to the person of Jesus can be incredibly comforting. Consider passages like John 11, where Jesus weeps over Lazarus' death, or the end of Matthew’s Gospel, where Jesus shows deep emotional turmoil in the Garden of Gethsemane. These moments highlight that Jesus, in the midst of the most significant event in redemptive history, felt and expressed profound sorrow.
A God Who Suffers With Us
Scriptures such as Isaiah’s prophecy and Hebrews 4 remind us that we have a God who sympathizes with our sorrows. The Greek word for "sympathizes" means "to suffer with," reflecting that God shares in our pain. Jesus experienced profound separation and loss on the cross, crying out, “My God, my God, why have you forsaken me?” This shared experience of suffering can provide deep comfort to those in grief.
Balancing Comfort and Theology
When discussing theological aspects like heaven and salvation, it’s crucial to tread carefully. This isn't the time for a deep dive into complex doctrines. Instead, emphasize God’s mercy and grace. Scriptures like 1 Peter, which states that God wills for none to perish, and James, which highlights that mercy triumphs over judgment, can provide solace.
Practical Support Tips
Avoid Quick Fixes: Grief is not something to be fixed but a new way of life to be navigated. Avoid using phrases that minimize their experience, such as “You’re going to be okay” or “They’re in heaven now.” Instead, affirm their feelings and offer your presence.
Consistent Presence: Your presence and empathy are more valuable than words. Be there for them consistently, not just immediately after the loss. Mark your calendar for regular check-ins, and remember important dates related to their loss.
Thoughtful Acts: Simple, thoughtful gestures can mean a lot. Personalized gifts, letters, or shared memories can show that their loved one is not forgotten.
Permission with Scripture: If you feel led to share Bible verses, ask for permission first. This shows respect for their emotional state and ensures your support is welcomed.
Creating a Theology of Suffering
If you’re a leader, it’s beneficial to equip your community with a robust theology of suffering, even when it’s not a season of grief. Teaching others how to engage with grief—what to say and what not to say—can prepare them to support those who are suffering more effectively.
Navigating Hard Questions
People in grief might ask difficult questions about God and suffering. While they may not always be seeking theological explanations, they do want to know that God is compassionate and present. Discussing Jesus' own experiences of sorrow can help illustrate that God understands their pain intimately.
Avoiding Harmful Clichés
Scripture can be a powerful source of comfort, but it should be used wisely. Avoid using Bible verses as a quick fix. Instead, share passages that acknowledge grief and lament, such as those found in the Psalms. This can validate their feelings and provide genuine comfort.
Supporting someone through grief requires sensitivity, consistency, and a deep well of empathy. By focusing on presence over perfection, and compassion over correction, you can offer genuine comfort and be a beacon of hope in their journey through sorrow.
The Share the Struggle Helping Helpers Course is designed for helpers & leaders both formally (pastors, small group leaders) and informally (family, friends, volunteers), giving a practical and safe framework for coming alongside someone well in the middle of their struggle(s). The Share the Struggle L.E.S.S. (Listen, Explore, Share, Support) framework equips helpers with the tools for active listening, root cause exploration, 3-story discipleship, and when to involve other forms of support. Furthermore, helping helpers walks listeners through the specific considerations and tools for helping someone through anxiety, shame, trauma, miscarriage, pornography addiction, grief, eating disorders, and suicide prevention.
Share The Struggle Courses
Share the Struggle Courses are topical expert led video courses to help you understand life’s greatest struggles and provide you with tools for navigating them. Moreover, STS courses create a space for you to connect with others struggling with similar things, experience belonging, and encounter God’s nearness in a place of wilderness in your life (pain, confusion, healing journey).
What Share The Struggle Believes
Here at Share The Struggle we believe Jesus is present with us in the middle of our pain and mess, and it is in that place that we often experience and encounter Jesus most deeply.
We understand the unique challenges faced by Christians dealing with mental health. Our mission is to bridge the gap between faith and mental health support, providing a platform where individuals can find resources, coaching support and guidance, all tailored to their spiritual life and emotional needs.
We invite you to explore our resources, share your journey, and find the support you need to overcome the struggles you face.
