Helping People Through Grief
If you need help seeing Jesus in the middle of your struggle, or just feel like you are stuck, ready to move into growth and healing, connect with a Christian coach.
Excerpt: Helping Helpers - Session 3
Section: Grief - Helping People Through Grief
Speakers: Benji Horning
The Art of Supporting Someone Through Grief
Walking with someone in the middle of their grief can feel incredibly daunting because everyone’s grief is unique. This uniqueness means there is no one-size-fits-all approach, and it's crucial to be sensitive and adaptable.
Grief Is Not Something to Fix
One thing I can't emphasize enough is that when you're walking with someone through their grief, you're not trying to fix them. Grief isn't a bone that needs mending or a sickness from which one needs to recover. It's a new way of life, and your role is to help them orient themselves around this new reality.
Avoiding Band-Aid Language
Watch out for language that acts as a quick fix or minimizes their pain. Phrases like "Let's move on," "You're going to be okay," "It's not that bad," or "They're in heaven now," can be incredibly damaging. Such words can make someone feel rushed in their grieving process. Remember, someone's sensitivity is heightened during grief. Just as pressing on a bruise causes more pain than pressing on uninjured skin, words can hurt more deeply when someone is already in pain.
The Power of Presence
More than anything you can say, it's your presence that matters. People often remember those who were simply there with them, offering empathy and solidarity. Be someone who can say, "I'm right here with you," and mean it.
Strategic and Long-Term Support
If you're a pastor, leader, small group member, or friend, be strategic in your support. Immediately after a loss, support can be overwhelming due to the sheer number of people offering help. However, as time passes, many of these supporters fade away, often leaving the grieving person feeling isolated. Make a plan to check in regularly—send a card every few months, remember anniversaries, and share memories or photos.
The Commitment of Long-Term Support
Being there for the long haul is rare and invaluable. Tell them early on, "I'm not going anywhere," and show them through consistent actions that you mean it. You can be the person they text late at night or early in the morning when they are overwhelmed by their grief.
Recognizing Your Limits
Walking with someone through grief takes a toll on you too. It’s crucial to recognize your limits and seek support for yourself. This might mean seeing a therapist or having friends who can offer you a space to be fully human and not just a support figure.
Embrace Imperfection
You might say the wrong thing sometimes. This fear often prevents people from helping, but remember, it's not about saying the perfect thing every time. It's about consistently showing empathy and compassion. If you do say something hurtful unintentionally, be quick to apologize and reaffirm your commitment to being there for them.
The Long-Term Impact of Your Support
You might not see immediate results from your support, and that’s okay. Grief is a long journey, and the impact of your support often becomes evident years later when the person reflects on who was there for them. Stay the course, continue to be present, and keep checking in on them.
Thoughtfulness in Your Acts of Care
Acts of care that show thoughtfulness can be especially impactful. A gift that is meaningful, such as a painting or an item that reminds them of their loved one, shows that you’ve put thought into your support. It's more than a token gesture; it’s a reminder that they and their loved one are remembered.
Supporting someone through grief is a delicate and profound journey. By being present, thoughtful, and committed, you provide a type of care that can help them navigate their new reality with a little more strength and hope.
The Share the Struggle Helping Helpers Course is designed for helpers & leaders both formally (pastors, small group leaders) and informally (family, friends, volunteers), giving a practical and safe framework for coming alongside someone well in the middle of their struggle(s). The Share the Struggle L.E.S.S. (Listen, Explore, Share, Support) framework equips helpers with the tools for active listening, root cause exploration, 3-story discipleship, and when to involve other forms of support. Furthermore, helping helpers walks listeners through the specific considerations and tools for helping someone through anxiety, shame, trauma, miscarriage, pornography addiction, grief, eating disorders, and suicide prevention.
Share The Struggle Courses
Share the Struggle Courses are topical expert led video courses to help you understand life’s greatest struggles and provide you with tools for navigating them. Moreover, STS courses create a space for you to connect with others struggling with similar things, experience belonging, and encounter God’s nearness in a place of wilderness in your life (pain, confusion, healing journey).
What Share The Struggle Believes
Here at Share The Struggle we believe Jesus is present with us in the middle of our pain and mess, and it is in that place that we often experience and encounter Jesus most deeply.
We understand the unique challenges faced by Christians dealing with mental health. Our mission is to bridge the gap between faith and mental health support, providing a platform where individuals can find resources, coaching support and guidance, all tailored to their spiritual life and emotional needs.
We invite you to explore our resources, share your journey, and find the support you need to overcome the struggles you face.
