How we can Help Someone with Anxiety
If you need help seeing Jesus in the middle of your struggle, or just feel like you are stuck, ready to move into growth and healing, connect with a Christian coach.
Excerpt: Helping Helpers - Session 3
Section: Anxiety - How We Can Help
Speaker: Matthias Barker
Supporting Someone with Anxiety: The Power of Listening
At the root of anxiety often lies a struggle with control, particularly over circumstances that are inherently uncontrollable. The key to supporting someone dealing with anxiety isn't to help them exert control over these uncontrollable aspects, but rather to guide them in reconnecting with what truly matters to them. This connection can often clarify their path forward.
Focus on What Matters
When people are in touch with their core values and the things that deeply matter to them, the 'how' of their decisions often becomes clearer. Many of us have a tendency to seek perfection in our responses, aiming to guarantee outcomes, but this is not within our control. The only thing we can control is our approach to the situation.
Avoiding the Impulse to Fix
When supporting someone with anxiety, it's important to resist the impulse to argue or provide immediate solutions. This instinct to dive in with advice can exacerbate their anxiety. Instead, recognize that their anxiety often stems from a point of indecision, much like being stuck in the middle of a teeter-totter, weighing two options.
The Teeter-Totter Analogy
Imagine someone struggling with a decision, like whether to set boundaries with a family member or not. If you jump in and take a side, giving advice or pushing for a particular solution, it can push them to argue the opposite position. This can intensify their anxiety and indecision.
Adopt a Listening Posture
To effectively support someone with anxiety, shift to a listening posture. Identify the two sides of their decision-making teeter-totter and articulate what you hear from them without providing solutions. This approach helps them process their thoughts and feelings without feeling pressured to make a decision immediately.
Practical Listening Techniques
Identify Both Sides: Listen carefully to their dilemma and identify the two sides of the teeter-totter. For example, they might be torn between setting boundaries with a family member and wanting to maintain peace in the household.
Reflect Back What You Hear: Articulate back to them what you've heard. For instance, "I hear that you really want to set boundaries with your mom because she's been coming over a lot, and that's been challenging for you. At the same time, you want to support your wife, who is frustrated with the situation."
Acknowledge the Difficulty: Recognize and validate their feelings. "That sounds really tough. It must be incredibly frustrating trying to balance these two important aspects."
Avoid Offering Solutions: Refrain from giving advice or solutions. Your role is to help them clarify their thoughts and feelings, not to solve their problem.
By using this approach, you help them process their anxiety in a supportive and non-judgmental way. This method encourages them to reflect on their values and what truly matters to them, which can often lead to greater clarity and a sense of control over their decisions.
Remember, your primary role is to listen and validate, creating a space where they can explore their thoughts and feelings without the pressure of immediate action.
The Share the Struggle Helping Helpers Course is designed for helpers & leaders both formally (pastors, small group leaders) and informally (family, friends, volunteers), giving a practical and safe framework for coming alongside someone well in the middle of their struggle(s). The Share the Struggle L.E.S.S. (Listen, Explore, Share, Support) framework equips helpers with the tools for active listening, root cause exploration, 3-story discipleship, and when to involve other forms of support. Furthermore, helping helpers walks listeners through the specific considerations and tools for helping someone through anxiety, shame, trauma, miscarriage, pornography addiction, grief, eating disorders, and suicide prevention.
Share The Struggle Courses
Share the Struggle Courses are topical expert led video courses to help you understand life’s greatest struggles and provide you with tools for navigating them. Moreover, STS courses create a space for you to connect with others struggling with similar things, experience belonging, and encounter God’s nearness in a place of wilderness in your life (pain, confusion, healing journey).
What Share The Struggle Believes
Here at Share The Struggle we believe Jesus is present with us in the middle of our pain and mess, and it is in that place that we often experience and encounter Jesus most deeply.
We understand the unique challenges faced by Christians dealing with mental health. Our mission is to bridge the gap between faith and mental health support, providing a platform where individuals can find resources, coaching support and guidance, all tailored to their spiritual life and emotional needs.
We invite you to explore our resources, share your journey, and find the support you need to overcome the struggles you face.
