The Helping Framework: Listening
If you need help seeing Jesus in the middle of your struggle, or just feel like you are stuck, ready to move into growth and healing, connect with a Christian coach.
Course: Helping Helpers - Session 1
Section: The Helping Framework - Listening
Speakers: Ryan Miller & Matthias Barker
Helping Others: A Framework Modeled After Jesus
Hey everyone, my name is Ryan Miller, and I’m here with my buddy Matthias Barker, a psychotherapist. If you’re watching this video, it’s because you care about helping people. We want to share a framework we've developed based on scripture, to help others effectively. This framework is modeled after Jesus' example and is inspired by John the Baptist’s words in the Book of John: "He must increase, I must decrease."
The Framework Overview
Our ministry’s framework focuses on decreasing ourselves so that Christ may increase. It involves several key steps, summarized in the acronym L.E.S.S.:
Listening: Engaging actively and humbly.
Exploring: Delving into the underlying root causes of their struggles.
Sharing: Empathizing deeply and sharing our stories appropriately.
Supporting: Providing accountability and knowing when to refer to professionals.
The Importance of Listening
Listening is foundational because our understanding of ourselves and the world comes from our significant relationships. When someone meaningful listens to us, it provides fertile ground for growth and healing.
Listening is how we internalize love as human beings, yet it can be incredibly challenging. Although it seems like a simple task, many of us struggle with it because we feel the need to say something helpful or provide the right advice. True listening involves stepping back, offering space, and allowing the person to process their own thoughts and feelings. This ensures that our responses are aligned with their core issues.
Jesus, who created the world, modeled this by listening more than He spoke. He simply sat with people and shared in their sorrows. Preschoolers can sense genuine listening, which they internalize as love. We all have this innate ability to perceive whether someone is truly present with us. As Christians, we need to strive to listen well, just as Jesus did.
Exploring Underlying Issues
Once we've mastered listening, we move on to exploring the underlying root causes of someone’s struggles. This is about looking beyond the surface complaints to understand the deeper issues at play.
For example, when someone says, "I hate my job," it’s not just about the job itself. There’s often a deeper dream or desire on the other side of that complaint. They might crave appreciation, meaningful engagement, or a sense of belonging to a team that’s making a difference. By identifying these underlying desires, we can better guide our conversations and truly understand their struggles.
In our "Share the Struggle" approach, we practice three-part listening:
Listen to what the person is saying.
Listen to your own heart and agenda.
Listen to the Holy Spirit.
For instance, if someone mentions struggling with pornography, the issue might not just be about the porn itself but could stem from a deeper wound, perhaps related to their relationship with their parents. By truly listening, we can address the deeper issue rather than offering a superficial solution.
Sharing in the Struggle
Sharing means climbing into the empathy pit with them and feeling deeply what they’re feeling. It’s about being present and sharing in their struggles. Additionally, when appropriate, sharing our stories can create a strong bond and provide hope and encouragement.
Sharing effectively involves balancing empathy with sharing personal experiences. It’s a double-edged sword where we share in their pain while also offering our experiences and insights when it can genuinely help.
Supporting Through Accountability
Supporting someone involves providing accountability and knowing our limits. It's crucial to recognize when professional help is needed and refer them appropriately while still offering our support within our capacity. Support means walking alongside someone, checking up on them, and providing the encouragement and accountability they need.
This support can take many forms, from regular check-ins to helping them set achievable goals. It’s about being there for them and helping them navigate their journey, but also understanding when a situation is beyond our expertise and requires a referral to a professional.
Conclusion
As we step into this journey of helping others, remember that listening is the most critical thing we can do. It’s how people internalize love. Let’s follow Jesus’ example and listen more than we speak. It’s through our humble posture and willingness to truly hear others that we can make a profound impact.
Let’s pray for wisdom and guidance as we help others, trusting that God has equipped us for this work.
Prayer: Father, give us wisdom as we support others. Help us to listen, explore, share, and support in ways that bring people closer to You. Equip us to be an extension of Your love and grace. In Jesus' name, amen.
Thank you for tuning in and being willing to step into these relationships. Remember, you are not responsible for fixing everything. Share their burden, but don’t carry their load. Let’s journey together, offering love, support, and understanding, just as Jesus did.
The Share the Struggle Helping Helpers Course is designed for helpers & leaders both formally (pastors, small group leaders) and informally (family, friends, volunteers), giving a practical and safe framework for coming alongside someone well in the middle of their struggle(s). The Share the Struggle L.E.S.S. (Listen, Explore, Share, Support) framework equips helpers with the tools for active listening, root cause exploration, 3-story discipleship, and when to involve other forms of support. Furthermore, helping helpers walks listeners through the specific considerations and tools for helping someone through anxiety, shame, trauma, miscarriage, pornography addiction, grief, eating disorders, and suicide prevention.
Share The Struggle Courses
Share the Struggle Courses are topical expert led video courses to help you understand life’s greatest struggles and provide you with tools for navigating them. Moreover, STS courses create a space for you to connect with others struggling with similar things, experience belonging, and encounter God’s nearness in a place of wilderness in your life (pain, confusion, healing journey).
What Share The Struggle Believes
Here at Share The Struggle we believe Jesus is present with us in the middle of our pain and mess, and it is in that place that we often experience and encounter Jesus most deeply.
We understand the unique challenges faced by Christians dealing with mental health. Our mission is to bridge the gap between faith and mental health support, providing a platform where individuals can find resources, coaching support and guidance, all tailored to their spiritual life and emotional needs.
We invite you to explore our resources, share your journey, and find the support you need to overcome the struggles you face.
