Identifying Grief
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Excerpt: Helping Helpers - Session 3
Section: Grief - Manifestations of Grief
Speakers: Benji Horning
Navigating Grief and Loss: Supporting Others with Sensitivity and Compassion
Coming alongside someone in the midst of grief and loss can feel incredibly daunting, largely because everyone’s grief is uniquely specific. The hesitancy often stems from recognizing that the way one person grieves may differ greatly from another, even if the losses seem similar. For example, the grief experienced by someone who lost their mom can be wildly different from another person’s grief over losing their mom due to the distinct dynamics of their relationships.
We often hear the advice not to compare people’s grief. While that’s true, it’s also important to be aware that different levels of grief exist. The loss of a child, for instance, is often termed "untimely death" and carries a profound sense of something that should not have happened, with no preparation. Some people experience grief compounded by trauma, such as in cases of suicide or sudden loss.
Recognizing the Uniqueness of Each Grieving Process
When approaching grief, it’s crucial to recognize that there’s no one-size-fits-all solution. Each person’s grief journey requires a great level of sensitivity and nuance. This demands that those walking alongside the grieving individual become exceptional listeners.
Grief is not just about collecting information to understand how to help; it’s also about observing and responding to how someone processes their grief. The five stages of grief—denial, bargaining, depression, anger, and acceptance—can appear in different sequences and intensities. Each stage can manifest uniquely in different people.
Case Study: Understanding Varied Responses to Grief
Consider a personal example: When my wife was grieving the loss of her father, her mother, who was grieving the loss of her husband, moved in with us. Their responses to grief could not have been more different. My wife found comfort in falling asleep to worship music and appreciated receiving Bible verses. In contrast, her mother struggled to open her Bible and had difficulty listening to worship music.
As someone supporting both, it was clear that what each needed was incredibly unique. This was not a matter of one approach being better or worse than the other; it was about recognizing and honoring their individual needs.
Practical Steps for Supporting Grievers
Here are some practical steps for those supporting someone through grief:
Be a Phenomenal Listener: Pay attention to what the grieving person is saying and what they are not saying. Sometimes, their needs will be unspoken but can be inferred from their behavior and preferences.
Ask Directly: Don’t be afraid to ask what is helpful. Simple questions like, “Do you want to talk about your loved one?” or “Would sharing stories help?” can open the door to understanding their needs.
Offer Spiritual Support Appropriately: Some may find comfort in scripture and prayer, while others may find it difficult. Ask if they are encouraged by scripture or if they want to pray, and be respectful of their preferences.
Respect Their Process: Understand that each stage of grief will look different for each person. Denial, bargaining, depression, anger, and acceptance can come in waves and in any order.
Help Memorialize and Honor: Offer to help memorialize and honor their loved one. This could be through creating a memory book, planting a tree, or simply spending time reminiscing.
Conclusion
Supporting someone through grief requires a high level of empathy, patience, and attentiveness. It’s about being present and responsive to their unique needs. By recognizing the individual nature of grief and approaching each person with sensitivity and respect, you can provide meaningful support that honors their journey and helps them navigate their loss with dignity.
The Share the Struggle Helping Helpers Course is designed for helpers & leaders both formally (pastors, small group leaders) and informally (family, friends, volunteers), giving a practical and safe framework for coming alongside someone well in the middle of their struggle(s). The Share the Struggle L.E.S.S. (Listen, Explore, Share, Support) framework equips helpers with the tools for active listening, root cause exploration, 3-story discipleship, and when to involve other forms of support. Furthermore, helping helpers walks listeners through the specific considerations and tools for helping someone through anxiety, shame, trauma, miscarriage, pornography addiction, grief, eating disorders, and suicide prevention.
Share The Struggle Courses
Share the Struggle Courses are topical expert led video courses to help you understand life’s greatest struggles and provide you with tools for navigating them. Moreover, STS courses create a space for you to connect with others struggling with similar things, experience belonging, and encounter God’s nearness in a place of wilderness in your life (pain, confusion, healing journey).
What Share The Struggle Believes
Here at Share The Struggle we believe Jesus is present with us in the middle of our pain and mess, and it is in that place that we often experience and encounter Jesus most deeply.
We understand the unique challenges faced by Christians dealing with mental health. Our mission is to bridge the gap between faith and mental health support, providing a platform where individuals can find resources, coaching support and guidance, all tailored to their spiritual life and emotional needs.
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