Engaging Your Story
If you need help seeing Jesus in the middle of your struggle, or just feel like you are stuck, ready to move into growth and healing, connect with a Christian coach.
Excerpt: Helping Helpers - Session 2
Section: Engaging Your Story
Speakers: Cathy Loerzel
The Helping Helper: Transforming Lives Through Personal Growth
Welcome to the Helping Helper section. You're here because you want to help others move into a truer version of their story, to guide them through trauma, anxiety, and shame. This is a wonderful calling. But let’s take a moment to talk about you. At the Allender Center, we believe that you can only take someone as far as you’re willing to go yourself. This isn't just about doing the work for the sake of it; it's about recognizing that where you haven't done your own work, you will be blind or unable to handle someone else's story well.
Understanding Your Relationship with Grief
Let's consider something as fundamental as grief. What is your relationship with grief? Do you know how to navigate those dark, shadowy spaces that are so scary? Or have you spent your life skimming over your stories of sorrow and harm to stay on the surface and appear as a “good Christian”?
To the degree that you haven't processed your own grief, when you encounter someone in despair, depression, or anxiety, you might unintentionally dismiss them. You will only be able to handle the degree of grief that you have allowed into your own life. Think of it as a spectrum: we all desire level 10 joy and delight, but are you also willing to experience level 10 grief? Our capacity for joy is directly connected to our capacity for sorrow. If you limit your experience of grief to a level 2, you may find that your joy is also limited to a level 2.
Doing the Work in Your Own Story
Will you let yourself delve into your own story, acknowledging the harm and heartache you’ve experienced? Will you be honest about the times you’ve dismissed your own or others' heartache? This work is crucial because it impacts your ability to help others.
We need you at this level. The world needs people who can be curious, humble, and empathetic. People who can lean into conversations without fear. While you don't have to complete all of your personal work before you can help others, you need to be aware of your own story and trauma. Recognize where you might have dismissed your own heartache because it will affect how you engage with others.
Cultivating Awareness and Tolerance
When you sit with someone and feel restless, dismissive, or compelled to offer a quick solution, ask yourself why. Why don’t you want to listen? Why do you want the discomfort to go away? Reflect on your own tolerance for sadness and suffering. How long do you allow yourself to feel sad? Can you lean into moments of suffering without knowing if you’ll be okay?
Consider cultivating a practice of being present in these moments. Even simple awareness of your own body—recognizing tension or the desire for discomfort to end—can shift the trajectory of a conversation.
Knowing Your Limits
Understand your limits and be honest about them. This awareness allows you to say, "This may not be the moment for us to dive deeper into this, but I want to help you get the support you need." It’s about recognizing our humanity and being prepared for what we can handle, while also knowing when to refer someone to a professional.
Conclusion
Helping others is a noble and beautiful mission, but it starts with you. Your ability to guide someone through their trauma, anxiety, or shame hinges on your willingness to do your own work. Embrace your own grief and heartache, understand your limits, and cultivate empathy and awareness.
By doing so, you'll be better equipped to help others move into a truer, more healed version of their story. Remember, this journey is not about perfection but about being genuine and present. Lean into the discomfort, listen deeply, and be willing to walk alongside others in their darkest moments. The impact you can make is profound and transformative, both for yourself and those you help.
The Share the Struggle Helping Helpers Course is designed for helpers & leaders both formally (pastors, small group leaders) and informally (family, friends, volunteers), giving a practical and safe framework for coming alongside someone well in the middle of their struggle(s). The Share the Struggle L.E.S.S. (Listen, Explore, Share, Support) framework equips helpers with the tools for active listening, root cause exploration, 3-story discipleship, and when to involve other forms of support. Furthermore, helping helpers walks listeners through the specific considerations and tools for helping someone through anxiety, shame, trauma, miscarriage, pornography addiction, grief, eating disorders, and suicide prevention.
Share The Struggle Courses
Share the Struggle Courses are topical expert led video courses to help you understand life’s greatest struggles and provide you with tools for navigating them. Moreover, STS courses create a space for you to connect with others struggling with similar things, experience belonging, and encounter God’s nearness in a place of wilderness in your life (pain, confusion, healing journey).
What Share The Struggle Believes
Here at Share The Struggle we believe Jesus is present with us in the middle of our pain and mess, and it is in that place that we often experience and encounter Jesus most deeply.
We understand the unique challenges faced by Christians dealing with mental health. Our mission is to bridge the gap between faith and mental health support, providing a platform where individuals can find resources, coaching support and guidance, all tailored to their spiritual life and emotional needs.
We invite you to explore our resources, share your journey, and find the support you need to overcome the struggles you face.
