Principles for Pastoral Care Through Trauma
If you need help seeing Jesus in the middle of your struggle, or just feel like you are stuck, ready to move into growth and healing, connect with a Christian coach.
Excerpt: Helping Helpers - Session 3
Section: Trauma - Principles for Pastoral Care Through Trauma
Speakers: Benji Horning
Walking Alongside Someone Who Has Experienced Trauma
Walking with someone through trauma is a sacred task that requires emotional maturity, patience, and grace. Whether you are a pastor, elder, small group leader, or friend, your role is not to provide all the answers but to offer your presence and support. Here are some key points to consider:
1. Embrace Patience
Patience with Them and Yourself
Understand that healing from trauma is a long journey, not a quick fix. Be prepared for a marathon, not a sprint.
Be patient with yourself as you navigate this journey alongside them.
2. Become an Expert Listener
Listening to Them and the Holy Spirit
Develop your listening skills, focusing on truly hearing their story without judgment or immediate solutions.
Be attuned to the Holy Spirit for guidance on how to support them best.
3. Offer Genuine Hope
Hope, Not Hype
Provide a source of hope rooted in truth, not false expectations or spiritual bypassing.
Remind them that every story with Jesus ends in resurrection, offering your faith as a support if they feel their own is faltering.
4. Reflect Christ’s Long-Haul Love
Commitment to Walk With Them
Emulate Jesus' commitment to walk with people through their pain, showing unwavering support and empathy.
Communicate through your body language and the quality of your soul that you are there for the long haul.
5. Tailor Your Support
Ask What’s Helpful
Always ask what kind of support is most helpful for them. This might be sharing scripture, praying together, or simply listening.
Respect their needs and timing, understanding that their relationship with scripture or prayer might be complicated at times.
6. Engage in Prayer
Prepare Spiritually
Spend time in prayer before meeting with them, asking the Holy Spirit to guide and fill you.
Recognize that supporting someone through trauma can be draining, so spiritual preparation is crucial.
7. Recognize Your Limits
You Are Not the Savior
Understand that there is only one Messiah, and it is not you. Your role is to point them to Jesus, who is the true healer.
Leave the ultimate responsibility for their healing with the Lord, trusting in His perfect timing and care.
Practical Example: Supporting Ambivalence in Grief
When someone shares their complex feelings about a dying parent, such as love intertwined with resentment due to past hurt, your role is to reflect and validate these emotions:
Listen and Reflect: "It sounds like you have many cherished memories with your father, but also some painful ones. It's understandable to feel conflicted and to have both love and hurt in your heart."
Validate Complexity: "This is a complex relationship, and it's okay to hold both the good and the bad together. It's part of your truth."
Conclusion
Walking alongside someone in their trauma is a profound privilege that requires sensitivity, empathy, and a deep reliance on God. By being a patient, listening, hopeful, and prayerful presence, you provide invaluable support as they navigate their healing journey. Remember, your ultimate role is to point them to Jesus, the true source of healing and restoration.
The Share the Struggle Helping Helpers Course is designed for helpers & leaders both formally (pastors, small group leaders) and informally (family, friends, volunteers), giving a practical and safe framework for coming alongside someone well in the middle of their struggle(s). The Share the Struggle L.E.S.S. (Listen, Explore, Share, Support) framework equips helpers with the tools for active listening, root cause exploration, 3-story discipleship, and when to involve other forms of support. Furthermore, helping helpers walks listeners through the specific considerations and tools for helping someone through anxiety, shame, trauma, miscarriage, pornography addiction, grief, eating disorders, and suicide prevention.
Share The Struggle Courses
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What Share The Struggle Believes
Here at Share The Struggle we believe Jesus is present with us in the middle of our pain and mess, and it is in that place that we often experience and encounter Jesus most deeply.
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