Engaging Your Caretaker Tendencies
If you need help seeing Jesus in the middle of your struggle, or just feel like you are stuck, ready to move into growth and healing, connect with a Christian coach.
Excerpt: Helping Helpers - Session 3
Section: Trauma - Engaging Your Caretaker Tendencies
Speakers: Matthias Barker
Supporting Someone with Trauma: A Holistic Approach
Supporting someone who has experienced trauma requires a blend of compassion, patience, and self-awareness. Here are some key principles and steps to keep in mind:
1. Be Safe, Kind, and Loving
Provide a Safe Space: Create an environment where they feel secure, accepted, and free from judgment.
Show Kindness: Consistently demonstrate kindness in your words and actions.
Love Faithfully: Commit to walking alongside them without conditions or time limits.
2. Understand Your Role
Be Present: Sometimes, just being there is the most significant help you can offer. Listen without trying to fix everything immediately.
Avoid Overstepping: Your role is to support, not to control or direct their healing process.
3. Reflect on Your Reactions
Identify Triggers: Recognize when their behavior triggers discomfort in you. This could be their indecision, lack of motivation, or problematic behavior.
Self-Examination: Ask yourself why you feel the need to change or fix them. What part of you is uncomfortable with their struggle?
4. Model the Posture of Jesus
Compassion Without Control: Jesus cared deeply but allowed people to make their own choices. He was present and compassionate without forcing change.
Patience and Boundaries: Stand ready to help but respect their journey and timing.
5. Embrace Consensual Growth
Seek Consent: Engage in their healing process with their permission. Don’t impose your will or solutions.
Respect Their Pace: Understand that healing is a personal and often slow process.
6. Manage Expectations and Emotions
Recognize Limitations: Accept that you cannot heal them. Your role is supportive, not to act as their savior.
Deal with Frustration: Address any frustration or impatience within yourself. This might require your own support or therapy.
Practical Steps to Offer Effective Support
Listening and Presence
Active Listening: Listen attentively without interrupting. Validate their feelings and experiences.
Reflect Back: Mirror their thoughts and emotions to show understanding.
Prayer and Spiritual Support
Pray with Empathy: Pray sincerely and with empathy, connecting emotionally with their situation.
Use Scripture: Integrate encouraging Bible verses in your prayers.
Encouragement and Patience
Offer Encouragement: Remind them of their strengths and the progress they’ve made.
Be Patient: Understand that healing takes time and relapses can happen.
Setting Boundaries
Know Your Limits: Recognize when professional help is needed and encourage them to seek it.
Avoid Over-Involvement: Maintain healthy boundaries to avoid burnout and overdependence.
Reflecting and Learning
Personal Reflection
Journal Your Feelings: Write about your experiences and emotions related to supporting them.
Seek Feedback: Talk to a mentor or counselor about your support role and get their perspective.
Continual Learning
Educate Yourself: Learn more about trauma and effective support strategies.
Stay Updated: Keep up with new findings and approaches in trauma care.
Conclusion
Supporting someone through trauma is a profound and sensitive task. By being a safe, kind, and loving presence, you can provide invaluable support. It’s essential to respect their autonomy and pace, reflect on your own reactions, and maintain healthy boundaries. Remember, your role is to walk alongside them, not to lead or fix their journey.
The Share the Struggle Helping Helpers Course is designed for helpers & leaders both formally (pastors, small group leaders) and informally (family, friends, volunteers), giving a practical and safe framework for coming alongside someone well in the middle of their struggle(s). The Share the Struggle L.E.S.S. (Listen, Explore, Share, Support) framework equips helpers with the tools for active listening, root cause exploration, 3-story discipleship, and when to involve other forms of support. Furthermore, helping helpers walks listeners through the specific considerations and tools for helping someone through anxiety, shame, trauma, miscarriage, pornography addiction, grief, eating disorders, and suicide prevention.
Share The Struggle Courses
Share the Struggle Courses are topical expert led video courses to help you understand life’s greatest struggles and provide you with tools for navigating them. Moreover, STS courses create a space for you to connect with others struggling with similar things, experience belonging, and encounter God’s nearness in a place of wilderness in your life (pain, confusion, healing journey).
What Share The Struggle Believes
Here at Share The Struggle we believe Jesus is present with us in the middle of our pain and mess, and it is in that place that we often experience and encounter Jesus most deeply.
We understand the unique challenges faced by Christians dealing with mental health. Our mission is to bridge the gap between faith and mental health support, providing a platform where individuals can find resources, coaching support and guidance, all tailored to their spiritual life and emotional needs.
We invite you to explore our resources, share your journey, and find the support you need to overcome the struggles you face.
