Do you Really Want to Quit Watching Porn?
What is it you’re really looking for?
For many of us, we find ourselves here (looking for resources for relief) as a result of deep need, frustration, and even pain. Maybe you are single, struggling in the relationships you’ve had or seek to foster. We hear that our usage of porn might be a reason why those relationships are poor and sloppy. Could that be true? Maybe you are married, and your use of pornography brings about feelings of deep shame and guilt? We want growth for ourselves, and our spouse, but we don’t know where this urge keeps coming from, how to stop it, or how to share. Maybe you were at one point married, and a pornography usage or dependency created cycles of thought and behavior beyond viewing, that ultimately led to our present singleness?
Wherever you find yourself, you, just like me -a real person writing this content who has struggled with pornography in the past-, are ready to shed this weight and burden from whatever control over your life it currently has. That’s what brought you here today.
You may also notice that what brought you here today wasn’t a search about “understanding my use of pornography”. You are here as a direct result, and subsequent desire, of your search to “STOP the problem”.
Consider for a moment that what you need, a need shared by many others continuing to view pornography, isn’t a narrowed focus on WHAT to do stop it, but a shift in understanding your hearts deep desire.
Understanding our Hearts Desire
All of us share a desire for intimacy, as we are all designed and bear image to the Triune God. This desire is actually really good! Let that sink in. My hope is that you understand this truth, as it really is critical to redefine how you think about your struggle with pornography. God gave you a desire for intimacy. It just so happens that porn, like many falsehoods of the world, is not the means by which God gave us to express that intimacy.
Looking back to the Creation Story, we see God’s intention for us being relational beings. We were meant to walk in step with Him. The proximity chasmed after the fall, when man chose self over God. God didn’t create us to do things solo, although the world likes to remind us of that often.
What happens when we, in the present, chose alternative ways to fill our relational intimacy tanks with things other than God? Well, that often leads to behaviors that are not a part of God’s design. This isn’t just pornography. This extends to sexual relations outside of marriages and all sorts of things that don’t bear fruit for the kingdom.
I hope this point is clear and that you understand your God given desire for intimacy which, in the present, draws you toward pornography (and not healthy or desired as I’m sure you would acknowledge), is a gift from the Lord.
So let’s ask ourselves the question. What does it look like to get back into healthy ways of expressing our intimacy with the Lord in the ways He designed for us?
Do You Really Want to Change?
This article by Desiring God explains this process well. The conclusion they come to is hard, but it’s so freeing.
“Many Christian men are fighting a losing battle with pornography because they are trying to remove the sin without adopting a radical lifestyle of repentance. They know their spiritual lives would be sweeter without giving way to lust. They know their capacity for rich relationships with other believers would expand tenfold if they weren’t smothered by midnight shame. They know their Godward ambitions for vocation and missions and pastoring are being squashed by it.”
Now this may sound painful at first. Adopting a radical lifestyle of repentance? That sounds like I have to shift my whole life around. Well, that’s the call of the Gospel, friend!
But there’s something so much more beautiful about this truth than simply eliminating porn. It’s that we get to embrace a level of intimacy with the Lord and with others that our brains psychological framework can’t begin to fathom under the burden of pornography. That we aren’t just pruning to cut off something bad, but to grow something new. To step into the fullness of intimacy with God, others, and self, that is only made available to us when we consult our creator on how to fill that created space within us. That’s the beauty of a radical lifestyle of repentance.
I’ll leave you with this. If you really want it gone, you can’t expect everything else to stay the same.
Behavior Modification
Ok, so we need to change our behavior. Well, that’s Christ like living. A way of life that’s wrapped up in discipleship and spiritual formation. How do we do this? The short answer. We need to spend more time with Him.
You’ll notice my suggestion isn’t a web-blocker or accountability partner (although those are certainly a part of the journey). It’s to get back to the source from which the rest of the fruits of the Spirit will blossom.
Pursuing Jesus
Maybe you're not sure where to start when it comes to pursuing Jesus. If you're with me on the idea that changing our habits is crucial and that this change comes from our love for Jesus, then let's figure out what this pursuit looks like together. We're not the first to walk this path, and we won't be the last—thank God for that.
We need a basic framework to follow in His footsteps, to chase after Jesus like He's the love of our life. This means making a radical shift in how we live our lives. Here’s a guide to help get you started, but remember, this is just the beginning. Order, structure, and rhythm will come with time. And this journey is best traveled in the company of others. You don’t need a church building to spend quality time with God, but your relationship with Him will deepen when you share it with a community.
Pursuing Jesus means incorporating prayer, scripture reading, and worship into your daily life, not as tasks but as ways to draw closer to Him. It’s about letting His teachings and example shape you, helping you become more loving, compassionate, and humble. This isn't just about personal growth; it's about reaching out to others with genuine empathy and kindness.
Living this way means serving others, especially those in need, with a heart full of love and empathy. It's about acts of charity, standing up for justice, and bringing hope to the broken-hearted. Engaging with a faith community can provide support and encouragement, helping you stay on track. This journey is one of constant growth and transformation, guided by grace and the Holy Spirit.
In the end, pursuing Jesus is about making His love visible in the world through our actions, contributing to the flourishing of everyone around us. It's about deep, meaningful connections and living a life filled with love and empathy, just as Jesus taught us.
How Does Porn Distort Relationships?
You’ll find much content in the way of the world here; how it gives unrealistic expectations of sex and so on. These are fine, and they are true, but they ignore the bigger message and truth of Scripture. We are all God’s children, and that bears an intrinsic truth about our identity. It also impacts how we see and love each other. We no longer see each other as sons and daughters, but as objects of our pleasure.
Pornography distorts relationships by undermining the profound and sacred bond intended by God between partners. The Gospel teaches that relationships should be grounded in love, respect, and mutual self-giving, reflecting the unconditional love of Christ. Pornography, however, shifts focus to selfish gratification and objectification, leading to unrealistic expectations and dissatisfaction. This undermines the emotional intimacy and trust that are foundational to a Christ-centered relationship.
The secrecy and deceit associated with porn use can erode trust and create a barrier to open and honest communication, which are essential for healthy relationships. Additionally, partners may feel betrayed and inadequate, damaging their self-esteem and sense of worth, contrary to the Gospel message that each person is valued and loved unconditionally by God.
Pornography also distorts the understanding of love and commitment. Instead of fostering a selfless, sacrificial love that mirrors Christ's love for the Church, it promotes a selfish, transactional view of relationships. This can lead to emotional and sometimes physical infidelity, weakening the bond of commitment that marriage is meant to symbolize.
When we Slip Up
We serve a God of grace and forgiveness who desires our hearts, not our perfection. Jesus understands our imperfections and wants us to live a life that honors Him, even with our mistakes.
When you slip up, reflect and understand what led to it, such as stress or loneliness, and acknowledge your feelings of guilt without harsh judgment, remembering that we are forgiven through Christ.
Recommit to your goals by reviewing why you want to overcome this habit and setting small, achievable steps to build confidence. Strengthen your support system by talking to a trusted friend or joining a faith-based support group like Celebrate Recovery. Connect with God in prayer to find strength and guidance, and engage with scripture to remind yourself of your identity in Christ.
Embrace God's forgiveness, extend grace to yourself, and view setbacks as opportunities to learn and strengthen your resilience. If you struggle to regain balance, seek guidance from a spiritual coach or counselor for personalized support.
Further Forms of Support to Quit Porn
Some of you may understand the truth about what I’m sharing. You may even desire a radical change in your living that would then produce fruit of the Spirit. But you’re stuck. You’re not sure of the practical ways with which you can move forward.
I’ll challenge you with this. If a relationship with Christ and a deep desire to pursue Him is something you haven’t tried, please start there. It won’t be perfect. You might find your desire to engage with pornography continues as you flush out what it looks like to follow and Honor God. Truly, that’s ok. God sees our heart. He knows that we cannot possibly satisfy our desires that are good. And certainly as you explore what it looks like to love God wholeheartedly, can he see that our intention is good - we just miss the mark sometimes.
If this is you, and you want guidance as you do that, there are plenty of support options out there:
Check out Share the Struggle’s Freedom Challenge: a 2-month journey designed to uproot the habits that currently exist and contribute to your dependance and encourage you with co-created steps to live out radical repentance of areas of your life not yielded to God.
Check out Covenant Eyes: a site blocker and transparency app made to connect you with others (accountability support through a friend, family member, partner) as you embark on the journey toward wholeness.
Some of us can try as hard as we might, still not find breakthrough, and just sit in the thought pattern that we aren’t good enough for God. That we are somehow destined to not overcome this struggle if the root is a lack of pursuit of God.
That’s not the truth. Some of us have thought patterns, sexual experiences, relational conflicts, deep anxieties, and so on that are so engrained it can make our view muddy. We are unable, through our own means, to move into a place where the realities of our identity and pursuit of Christ come with an overcoming of our desire to consume pornography.
If this is you, and you want guidance as you explore more robust forms of support, these might be a great start:
Consider connecting with a Licensed Psychotherapist: a trained clinician can help identify some of the underlying causes at work of someone who is unable to get “unstuck” from a pornography addiction. A psychoterapist will be adept at identifying and then treating any underlying causes.
Connect with a Mental Health Informed Coach: a coach can be a great addition to your support team as a thought partner. A mental health informed christian coach can work with you to set achievable goals in your life directly and indirectly related to porn consumption.
Frequently Asked Questions related to ‘How to Quit Pornography’
Can Christians Watch porn?
I’m gonna be honest. I loathe this question, though I am grateful it may have brought you to this article. Here’s why I don’t like it. So much of what I hear people wrestling with in Christianity (or religion for that matter) is this insistence on following rules out of sheer obedience. As humans granted free will, it seems that we all have this desire to not be controlled. I hear people say “a good and loving God doesn’t give these rules to follow”. While I disagree with that wholeheartedly, I cant help but empathize with the cries of souls when they use this refrain. What they are worried about is HAVING to say no to something that, with their limited perspective, brings them joy.
A better way to think about this is that we GET to say yes to something better. We get to experience the fullness of relational intimacy with Jesus and maybe even a spouse for some of us. We no longer have to settle for cheap ways of the world to satisfy God sized cravings in our heart with fleeting satisfaction.
Is it a Sin to Watch Porn?
Using the bible’s framework and Jesus’ teachings for understanding purity of thought and action and avoiding sexual immorality, it’s clear that viewing pornography is a sinful habit. A good barometer for understanding whether something is sinful is whether or not it brings us closer or nearer to God. In this case, nothing about viewing pornography brings us closer to God.
I really like Pauls letter to the Corinthians when thinking about sexual immorality. 1 Corinthians 6:18-20 says, "Flee from sexual immorality. All other sins a person commits are outside the body, but whoever sins sexually, sins against their own body. Do you not know that your bodies are temples of the Holy Spirit, who is in you, whom you have received from God? You are not your own; you were bought at a price. Therefore honor God with your bodies."
Is it Bad to Watch Porn?
Spiritual Impact
Watching porn can create a barrier between you and your relationship with God. It often leads to lustful thoughts and behaviors that contradict biblical teachings on sexual morality. Jesus emphasized the importance of purity, stating that even looking at someone with lustful intent is equivalent to committing adultery in one’s heart (Matthew 5:28).
Emotional and Mental Health
Pornography can lead to feelings of guilt, shame, and low self-esteem. It can create a cycle of addiction that is difficult to break, affecting your mental health and overall well-being. Studies have shown that excessive porn use can contribute to anxiety and depression.
Relationships
Engaging with porn can harm relationships by fostering unrealistic expectations and reducing intimacy. It can lead to a lack of trust and emotional distance between partners, ultimately damaging the bond that holds a relationship together.
Addiction
Pornography can be highly addictive, leading to compulsive behaviors that are hard to control. Research indicates that frequent exposure to porn can result in sexual dysfunction and other negative consequences. The 2017 study from the Naval Medical Center in San Diego links online pornography use with male sexual dysfunction, showing a significant rise in erectile dysfunction among men under 40.
Can a Christian Be Addicted to Porn?
Yes, a Christian can struggle with a porn addiction. Addiction does not discriminate based on faith. It’s essential to approach this issue with grace and understanding, recognizing that addiction is a complex issue.
Faith and grace are crucial in overcoming addiction. Acknowledging the problem and seeking God’s help through prayer can provide strength. Professional help, such as counseling, can be beneficial. Spiritual guidance and community support are also important. Programs like Celebrate Recovery offer a Christ-centered approach to overcoming addiction.
What Does the Bible Say About Watching Porn?
The Bible doesn’t explicitly mention pornography (no coincidence as it was written thousands of years before the inception of the internet). What it does give us is a framework addresses related issues like lust, sexual immorality, and purity, even if it does not mention pornography directly. Key scriptures include:
Matthew 5:28: "But I tell you that anyone who looks at a woman lustfully has already committed adultery with her in his heart."
1 Corinthians 6:18-20: "Flee from sexual immorality. All other sins a person commits are outside the body, but whoever sins sexually, sins against their own body. Do you not know that your bodies are temples of the Holy Spirit, who is in you, whom you have received from God? You are not your own; you were bought at a price. Therefore honor God with your bodies."
Philippians 4:8: "Finally, brothers and sisters, whatever is true, whatever is noble, whatever is right, whatever is pure, whatever is lovely, whatever is admirable—if anything is excellent or praiseworthy—think about such things."
These scriptures emphasize the importance of fleeing from sexual immorality and maintaining purity in thoughts and actions.
So what are the Takeaways?
We often find ourselves searching for relief from the pain and frustration that comes with struggling against pornography. Whether you're single and facing relationship challenges, married and dealing with shame and guilt, or finding yourself single again due to a past dependency, the root of your search is a deep desire to stop this destructive habit. What you truly seek isn't just a method to stop, but an understanding of your heart's deepest desires.
We all long for intimacy, a God-given desire that reflects our creation in His image. This desire is good, but pornography is a false means of fulfilling it. God's design for intimacy is rooted in genuine, loving relationships and walking closely with Him. When we seek to fill this need with anything other than God, we stray from His plan, leading to behaviors that don't bear fruit for His kingdom.
To truly change, we must embrace a radical lifestyle of repentance, as the call of the Gospel requires. This isn't just about removing sin but transforming our lives to grow in intimacy with God, ourselves, and others. It means changing our behaviors through discipleship and spiritual formation, spending more time with Jesus and letting His love and teachings reshape us.
Pursuing Jesus is about making a profound shift in how we live. It involves incorporating prayer, scripture reading, and worship into our daily lives, not as tasks but as ways to draw closer to Him. It's about becoming more loving, compassionate, and humble, reaching out to others with genuine empathy. Serving those in need, engaging in acts of charity, and standing up for justice are all expressions of this life. Sharing this journey with a faith community provides support and encouragement, helping us grow and transform constantly.
Ultimately, living in pursuit of Jesus is about making His love visible in the world through our actions, contributing to the flourishing of everyone around us. It's about building deep, meaningful connections and living a life filled with love and empathy, just as Jesus taught us. If you truly want change, embrace this journey wholeheartedly, and let it transform every aspect of your life.
